Do any of us take criticism well?
For me, I expect to be able to take it better than I do. I know that it’s needed and important to my growth as a person and in my career. I know that it’s important that my decisions and behaviours are course corrected when necessary by someone who I like and trust. Sometimes that’s my boss. Sometimes it’s a friend.
But criticism still hurts because it’s personal.
It doesn’t matter that it’s delivered professionally and compassionately and privately by someone that I trust. It’s a rebuke of my behaviour and that is personal.
And that’s OK.
I am going to refer to Trevor Regan‘s post called “Choose the Wild” quite a bit here, as much of what he has to say is relevant to taking criticism. So please read his post and watch the video at the end as I cannot do him justice with my paraphrasing.
If you live in a world where no one criticizes you, you are a tiger living in a zoo. All safe and easy. There is no struggle. In fact, you are hiding from the struggle, the fear and the failure that a jungle tiger lives with every day.
In the world of the mid-level manager, the fear of criticism and the failure it represents is one of the scariest things you will experience in the workplace jungle. Because that project, that sale, that event, that new product is a reflection of you and if it fails, you fail. And failure is very personal.
But it’s also part of the jungle life. You know who never fails? The zoo tiger. The manager who does the minimum to keep his job. The guy who says the right things and performs in front of the big boss but checks out with everyone else. He’s not growing his team, pushing out new products, hunting for new clients or volunteering for a new project. He’s hiding in his comfort zone where there is no chance he will be criticized or fail.
So if you’ve chosen to be the jungle tiger, how should you deal with criticism?
Take a moment to acknowledge the failure and to take it personally.
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That’s right, I want you to take it personally in whatever form that is for you and give it time to hurt. I encourage you to take criticism personally because you are a person and not a cog in a machine. If you care about your work, criticism should sting a little and hurt your pride. In the moment, you need to acknowledge the failure and own it.
For me, taking it personally means calling the boss names under my breath and challenging their intelligence as I talk to myself on the drive home. I think about the running list of petty grievances that I have with the world. And I give myself time, usually until the next day, to let it sink in.
As a manager, remember how personal criticism is when delivering it to someone on your team and do it professionally, compassionately and privately. Give them space to take it personally, even if that means they have to leave the office. If you were in their shoes, you’d appreciate the understanding and so will they.
If someone doesn’t take it personally, that will tell you something as well. Start to see if other signs of a zoo tiger are present in that person – hiding, being checked out, performing, or making excuses. It might be time to force the cage open and drop them into the wild. Or lend them to another zoo.
After you have given yourself time to take it personally, then get over it and start moving forward again. Once you’ve made the pitch, launched the product or started manufacturing, it’s all out there with your name on it and it won’t be perfect. Recognize that criticism and failure are part of being in the jungle. Acknowledge the intent behind the criticism and make the changes suggested. Fix the problem. Go to version 1.1.
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The experience will have made you better and next time, because there’s always a next time in the jungle, the critics will be fewer and the failures will be minor. And you will be ready for the next challenge.
Read another post about Becoming a Better Mgr
The Accidental Manager 